Arcanus Valiant stepped out of his ’74 Ford Mustang, slammed the door and finished strapping on his ammo belt. He slung his shotgun over his back, ensured his twin desert eagle magnum revolvers, Irony and Sadness, were properly stowed in their holsters and strapped his katana to his beefy right leg. He cracked his knuckles, lit a cigar and started walking towards the barn of the Holsteins Holdings Diary Farm.
Four days ago, they had lost contact with the location. The locals had mysteriously dropped of the map, and the police who were sent to investigate never came out. It wasn’t long after that when The Organization was called in to see what was going on. Valiant wasn’t the best man for the job, but he wasn’t too busy, and his car needed a long drive in the country. For this reason, he had taken the task.
He confidently strolled onwards into the unknown and stood before the doors of the Barn. The kicked them hard, they didn’t move. He then proceeded to go the smaller, normal sized side door. He twisted the knob and it opened with a screech. The smell of milk drifted to his nose. He turned around, took several steps and threw up. He was severely lactose intolerant. Once he was confident he could vomit no longer, he stepped into the barn.
He gasped and cried out, “I haven’t seen this many dead cows since the incident,” for before him lay dozen of dead bovine. “Son of a Bitch.” He pulled out his double-barreled shotgun and loaded both barrels. He was not going to be caught by surprise. He walked in to the center of the bar.
He turned around in a circle. “What could have done this?” He pulled out his cell phone and dialed in the HQ.
“Marian here,” Marian said over the phone.
“Marian, all the cow’s have been killed.”
“Not again. You’re serious?”
“Every single one.”
“Son of a bitch. I don’t know what to say, stay frosty”
It was then he the roar. It shook the earth. He span around to try and face it. He wasn’t prepared for what he saw. It looked like a cow, but it was most certainly some sort of bull. Even then it was covered in dark green scales and much larger. Fire shot from its mouth. It pawed the ground.
“What was that?” Marian yelled over the phone.
“A… Hell Cow?” Valiant aimed his shotgun and fired – all with only his right hand it. He saw the shot hit the beasts face and it connect in a haze of buck and shot. Seconds later when the dust cleared, it was angry.
“What happened?” Marian asked.
“What’s the land speed of a bull?”
“Let me check….” Marian trailed off. Valiant ran off. He ran out of the barn so fast. It was like he was never there, but the Hell Cow remembered. Second, later there was a bull-sized hole in one of the walls and Valiant turned to see it catching up.
He dropped his shotgun and pulled out Irony and Sadness. Spinning around he took aim at the beasts kneecaps and fired. It stumbled, he fired again and again and again and again until two clips fell from his guns and they would only click ineffectively. Each paired shots connected with power force and ricocheted off its front legs. It was still running.
“I think you may be dealing with a Gorgon!” Marian yelled from Valiant’s hip.
“What’s a Gorgon?”
“I don’t know, I keep finding information on Medusa. They were gorgons you know.”
“This is a cow,” Valiant yelled and he slammed new clips into Irony and Sadness. He crossed his arms, aimed for the eyes and took another shot. The guns flew out his hands, arms crossed were a bad firing angle, but the shots connected. Blinded, the beast bared down on him; he jumped out the way at the last minute. The beast came to a halt ten feet behind him.
“Not a snake lady,” He pulled out his katana and charged. He jump and brought the blade down the blasted beasts back. It made a resounding clang with the pitch of C#.
“Oh found something. Their skin is made of metal,” Marian said.
“No shit.” Arcanus Valiant turned tail and ran, hopefully before the beast could figure out what was going on.
“Must get to car,” He mumbled.
“Do you have any anti-armor weaponry? Anti-tank gun or something?”
“No. Why would I have those?”
“Cause they help against gorgons silly,”
“Of course they do.”
“Well yes and it only makes sense, they are… wait your being sarcastic. Well excuse me Mr. Valiant.” The phone made a resounding click.
“Now I’m going to die alone,” He heard the sound of hoofs gaining on him.
He reached his car, opened the door, started it up and put the pedal to the metal. He opened up his glove box looking for a hand grenade, c4 - anything. He found several receipts for Chinese food and felt hungry. He hit the e-break. Spun the car around, drifted off the road a little bit and then started back towards the beast.
It was on the road in hot pursuit, but now the charger had would become the charged.
With the furious squeal of rubber hitting the road, Valiant sent his ‘74 Mustang barreling down the road. The beast shot fire from its nostrils and the pavement below its mighty hooves was broken and tossed into the air like so much cheap dirt.
His phone rang and Marian came back online.
“Sorry I hung up on you earlier, I was just a little cheesed off at your attitude,”
Valiant took off his seatbelt and shot out his windshield.
“Please throw me clear. Please throw me clear. Please throw me clear.” He muttered. The beast couldn’t have been more that 30 feet away from him.
“Fuck it,” he jumped out his side door and watched his car collide with the monster. It compacted like pie tin, but sounded like unparalleled destruction. Valiant rolled for a long time, luckily his leather jacket saved him a lot of pain. Unfortunately, his jeans did not and he left half his skin on the pavement. With adrenaline pounding throw his system, he stood back up and surveyed the destruction. The hell cow was wrapped up in the car as if it was a sheet. It lay on its side and slowly breathed in and out. It wasn’t bleeding or dieing – just stuck.
Valiant drew his shotgun, and loaded both barrels. He strode up to the beast, which looked at him with udder distain. He placed the shotgun against the beast’s right.
“Wait!” it said.
“Moo” said Valiant; then he pulled the trigger.
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